I’ve wanted to branch out on this page and talk about more than goals for some time, but just haven’t found myself spurred to action until now. I want other people to know I’m more than just a goal-making machine and that I don’t go through life driven and focused on these little everyday tasks that must be completed (not that that’s….something to be proud of, I guess, but I just don’t want to inaccurately represent myself, I suppose). On the flip side, no one says that I have to be massively transparent on the -internet- for all to see. There are no rules on how to do this blogging thing – none that I prefer to follow religiously, anyway – and it doesn’t have to be par for the course that I pour my thoughts and feelings out into little bits and bytes that can be read by any Joe Schmoe that happens to come across my little corner of the blogosphere. But…I do it anyway. I did before at one time (perhaps a biiiit too transparently, names and all that) and I’d like to do it again in some fashion. Because more than anything, I just like to *WRITE*. The fact that I am often writing about myself–well, that can only be explained by the fact that I live with myself every day, and next to my Heavenly Father, I know myself better than anyone else. I’d like to get to know myself better though, because I know there are many things about my personality and modus operandi that I could improve. And that’s just part of allowing the Lord to convict me and grow me in areas where I am weak. There we go, I think that last sentence sufficiently steered this away from sounding like some personal love-fest or something….that was weird…
Basically, honesty and a genuine spirit in my writing are of high importance to me, and in all my years of blogging I have been acutely aware of both my desire for reciprocation or responses from my fellow blogger and the understanding that I’m not meant to have that. Does that sound odd? In the past, I’ve always blogged with my heart and soul – even if wading in my soul on that particular day was a bit shallower than usual – knowing full well that only two or three of my closest friends were reading my thoughts. That number slowly dwindled to two, and then one, and then when I became painfully aware that it was me, myself and I in my “own little corner, in my own little chair,” I wondered about this and considered what might have lead to my blog’s demise. And although saddened, I was also freer to express my mind totally and completely…ya know, if I had happened to have kept much back up to that point.
I can’t say that the content was very worthy. Like most “writers” who can’t even bear to let “writer” stand alone even in this post without those looming quotations, I second guess my material and more often than not, don’t do a lot in the way of revision or structure. Call it my undiagnosed ADD, but I edit very little and just slap that baby onto the big triple W without much worry. (I actually may be more alone than I think in respect to the latter. A lot of people take great pride in their work and edit constantly, while still others also take advantage of a little thing called drafts…I do that. Once for every 10 posts, maybe.) I’m that girl who sits down at her computer and says to herself (and maybe in the post too), “I don’t have much time to write. Just a brief update,” and 1.5 hours later, is still sitting at that computer plunking away–either consistently writing (and therefore that post is looonnnng, friend, because very little editing has been happening!) or coming back to the post again and again, having edited a nice photo, checked facebook 10 times and eaten dinner in between before finally publishing that post. So much for a shortened post. So much for “no time.” Look at all the other things you’re behind in now, Joanna! Good job! And look how many parentheses you’ve put in this post! It could be a world record!
But yes, content. Worthy? Eh. I dunno. I’m critical of what I write and I don’t even like to call it “work,” because I don’t get paid for it, I don’t do it as often as I should, I can’t seem take it as seriously as I’d like and I certainly ain’t no F. Scott Fitzgerald. I write it, I post it, I read it, I sit back in my chair and sigh. Sometimes. And after finding twelve mistakes which I then take another 10 minutes finding and then fixing and then going back to the post page and finding something else and fixing that, I’m “satisfied.” And life moves on.
What is the meaning of all this? Again, post meanings elude me. I just sit and write. Jeff Goins would be proud, I suppose.
My intention with this post was to be like, “Hey, I’m a normal person, don’t think I’m a goal-making machine,” — check– “Hey, I’m gonna try to post things of a more personal nature, I was gonna talk about relationships in this one but that will have to wait because I’ve managed to turn this post into something else entirely, ” –check– and “Dang, it’s already past 1am, what have I done?”. CHECK.
My hands are dead and my bed beckons me. Thanks for reading this mumbo jumbo and have an EXCELLENT TUESDAY. God bless.